Searching for a Reason

In the course of doing my homework the other day, I stumbled upon a website that read: "Stuff White People Like." Intrigued, I clicked the link and up came a white webpage with 131 things that, according to the author, white people like. As I read through the titles, I discovered that I had a lot in common with these "White People." There was an array of our pleasures listed, I'm assuming, by level of importance. Everything from moleskin notebooks to sushi. Nearly everything was said to be in efforts to impress others. Rather than for expressing our thoughts and feelings, moleskin journals were there rather as an accessory to accompany us into Starbucks; allowing others to see that we were insightful, creative and talented. There with our fair trade coffee, we would sit and ponder the meaning of life in these little black books and others were left to feel impressed and in awe of how great us Moleskin coffee drinkers are. I felt humbled through reading these lists because I knew that I could relate to the white people in wanting to impress others. I could remember distinctly walking into Starbucks with a notebook and merely doodling in the pages with an intelligent look on my face. "I wonder if anyone can see what I am doodling. Am I sipping my coffee too fast?" Eventually I would shake myself out of this incessant worry and take up the opinion that I frankly didn't care what others thought. This, I knew, would make others really respect me! If I just go along and do my own thing like its nobody's business, then I'll be really neat!

What if I did adopt the opinion that I don't care what anyone thinks? On some level I do nearly everything in efforts of making others awe at me. Why do I need that? They never tell me how they feel. What good does it do me to try so hard if I never get any outside congratulation? I makes me wonder how much of what other people do and think make us who we are. How much of our individuality is dependent on others? Without the existence of society, would a single individual have a true individuality? A true individuality I am assuming, is something that sets us apart from others. I have come to think that it is based on qualities, skills, and values that we take more or less seriously than those around us. Different combinations of these values and skills allow us to be different from those around us. While there are some true attributes that we have that we cannot help, I think there are other characteristics that we take on simply because we seek to gain public approval. As I am occasionally a victim of these false characteristics, it is a little demeaning to read this blog!

On some level I believe everyone wants to feel the feeling of acceptance from others; wether it be childhood insecurities, or thirty something dating. This, however, is not to say that we don't do anything for ourselves. I do suspect that people have their own inner critics who cause us to better ourselves for our own satisfaction. It is astonishing that, as a race, we are willing to spend money daily to impress others in the form of a moleskin journal or a million dollar house. In addition to benefiting those around us, most also strive to impress others to a degree that they don't care to address. Perhaps we don't truly want to be equal since since we are so insistent that we come out on top. America was founded upon the basis of freedom and equality that has been slowly extended to all living in our borders. This, I can't seem to think through enough to come up with a catchy conclusion. Maybe I've opened a Pandora's box that I won't be able to find an answer to until I really come to terms with the human mind. Another week of psychology should do it.