Another Year Down South

Okay well maybe not down south but its as far down as I can stand. Man I really underestimated the humidity over here! Coming from nearly perfect weather everyday its hard to come to a place where the weather can change instantly. Sitting to write this first entry in my blog. Its odd to think that I only have a year left at Cottey. A year ago I was an eager freshman signing up for everything I could. Not really knowing who I was, I tried to emulate everyone around me so that I might find myself and be happier. My first college year, as hard as it was, was a truly great year. I tested my own boundaries both physically and mentally to see if I could achieve my own idea of perfection and I realized that I could actually attain it. However, trying to hold up my own standards were a lot like trying to balance the worlds finest teacups on a single saucer. Getting up everyday and keeping my control over who I thought I was destined to be was exhausting. I broke down in early 2010 and became a lifeless robot. I couldn't sleep, or even think. I couldn't even remember who I used to be. I'm not sure where my real depression ended and my own dramatic flair set in but I was not happy with who I had become. Finally in April, I began to let loose and my instincts started to govern my life. I set down my own rule book and the expectations I assumed others had of me. Over the summer, I really began to question my choices of major, career, and home. On some of those topics, I had no idea. On others, I felt I knew what I was meant to do. Rather than stifling my instincts I let them have a say in my choices.

Instincts, as trustworthy as they were, were also a little indecisive. So how about a major? Hmmm? Pouring over college guides, internet sources and career tests, I have yet to find a lifestyle that suits me. It makes it rather hard to pick a major or another school after Cottey if I don’t have a sure passion in life. I had always imagined that my interests would just sneak up on me. I makes me sick to think of going to another school without a major that I love. What is it all for if you have no idea where you are going? How do you know when you’ve found a career that you are meant to have? Well, in May, I’ll have a degree in Liberal Arts and Sciences. Wow, a degree! I focused so hard on my BA that it never occurred to me that before then, I would have an actual degree. It hit me when I was looking for colleges yesterday. Cottey focuses on liberal arts and sciences....I had always seen it as just a two year school. The phrase liberal arts and sciences never really sunk in to mean anything more than general education. However, now it seems like I could really apply that to my life. Not one subject but a taste of everything. I don’t want to have one job my whole life. I want to try 10 different jobs. I don’t know what they are yet but every so often I change and want something else. Now, financially I don’t know how that will hurt me but at least I won’t be held at a job I don’t like because its the only thing I’m qualified for. How can I make a decision now to do something for the rest of my life? Majors are beginning to look more like marriages than interests. It starts with an interest which turns into a major, then an internship, then a job and thats usually it. I don’t want to get married for at least 10 years so why should I have to pick a single major or a job now either?