Its Been a While

Before I proceed with the blog, I first want to apologize for the lack of blogs within the past month. I guess you could blame it on my lazy college mindset, midterms, and general homesickness. Regardless, I want to let all my lovely PEO's know that I haven't forgotten them! Also, I want to thank Marla Lenz for stopping by Nevada Oct. 12 and letting me give her a tour of the campus. It was nice to see a familiar face here.

So, its Oct 31. 30 more days to apply to colleges. Can you believe it? This time last year I was just trying to pass my algebra class and now I am entering those grades into electronic applications for California schools! Yes! Don't get me wrong, Cottey is a wonderful school. But, as my dad says, location location location! I gotta get out of this town and into San Jose!

I realize that I've been a little preoccupied this month with time and how I spend it. I was sitting in my room one day and I glanced at the clock. Before I could process the time it read, it changed reading a minute later. I had a moment of surprise, what did I do with that minute of my life? Nothing. I had opened my computer and looked at the weather. That was it. No homework, nothing. In that minute, I had made no great memories or accomplished anything of importance. Yet I had made a memory that I couldn't change. With every second that passes, we get older and add another day is added to our personal story. For the first time I had really occurred to me that I am writing my own story constantly. We always ask ourselves what we want to do (obviously future oriented) but how often do we ask ourselves what we want to remember? Momentary feelings last only in terms of seconds but memories are always going to be there. It makes me wonder what I really value, upon looking back on all my memories, which do I wish there were more of?

I consider myself to be somewhat of an optimist. Usually, I think everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out in the end. The end, I believe is probably when I am around 80. This idea lets me put off things that I really want to do because I assume I have all the time in the world. However, when I looked at the clock, that minute went by in the blink of an eye and I had done nothing. What if the next minute had been the end? But then again, what justifies the end? The end of being an unattached individual? The end of your life? The ends of the lives of those around you? There is probably more than one end that mark different phases of your life. Now, I am not suggesting that I rush to live through all my aspirations for fear of unexpected ends, however, it makes me consider that one end may come my way and I won't have made all the memories I wanted to. My teenage years end in about 10 months. How many more memories do I want to make before then? Will I have the time to? Will I take too much time trying to accomplish other things?

When recalling my past, I don't ever think of how much I enjoyed cramming for a test. However, I did it anyways. I turned down other opportunities to study and who knows how my story would have been different if I blew off that study session. I toss and turn when deciding what shirt to wear, but studying for a test I don't care about it automatic; I do it. Why is that at the top of my priorities? When I think of the tests I've aced, I realize that I frankly don't care. I honestly don't care about how I measure up on a subject or how incompetent the teacher perceives me to be. What I do want to remember is what I learned and how/if I used it. Well I began writing this on October 31st, and I am finally finishing in November. But it seems like only minute has gone by. My how time flies.