Have I stumbled upon a path?

So, what's your major? I had come to dread this question. I became frustrated with myself when all I could say was "ummm, to find a major?" Meanwhile, others were happily studying humanities, sciences, mathematics etc and I was turned off by all I considered. Maybe I am just one of those people who picks up jobs here and there to pay the rent. I was sure that if i was indeed to have a passion in life, it would have hit me over the head by now. I began spring semester with a new batch of classes and no idea where I would end up in 5 years. As a planner, I was greatly upset by that. I worried that I had looked over all possible majors and would have to choose from my personal "reject" pile of potential life goals, or perhaps copy down someone else's. A few weeks ago, I was talking to a councilor here about my predicament and I explained how I dropped my chemistry course and thus ruled out basically any career involving medicine or the human body. In the past I had really considered Kinesiology (study of the mechanics of the body) as a major but was a little scared at the thought of chemistry, having never taken a class. My failure to stay with the class made a Kinesiology major seem out of reach and thus, no longer an option. However, as I talked to her, I explained that my spanish class (with no help from my unhelpful, useless spanish professor) had taken up a lot of my time and if I had taken chemistry the year before without spanish, I could have withstood the stress. All of a sudden I realized that I had set a limit on myself that I was unable to study Kinesiology because I had one minor setback.

My eyes widened as I exclaimed "well I can still be a Kinesiology major can't I?! I just took chemistry at the wrong time!" I walked out of the office with a big smile knowing that I could take that path if I wished. Having been an actor in the past, it made sense. You don't give up after a failed audition. And I shouldn't give up after a failed 3 weeks. Since our meeting I surrendered myself to my inner wants and needs. I looked at where I had spent my spare time and I always wound up at the gym, or reading nutritional articles or cringing when others tried to lecture me on what I knew to be nutritional falsities. Everything about my actions finally pieced together and I could see myself doing this and getting paid for it! By "this" I mean exercising, training others, leading group aerobics, etc. I wanted it all and still do. I picked up an extra water aerobics class and began to cross train so I could learn about the numerous types of physical activity and be the best that I could in as many types of exercise I could. I began to really love what I was doing and felt at peace with myself.

It occurred to me that I measured a day's worth by how much I physically exerted myself rather than how much homework I did. I was more proud of the miles I ran rather than the good grades I earned in my classes. Sitting at a desk reading about spanish or gender and communication bored be and I ached to go for a walk or a swim. As the next week in the blizzard progressed, an inner restlessness took over me and it simply didn't seem logical to take classes I didn't want to. As the snow piled outside, I felt trapped and helpless. I wanted to go for a walk and could only make it to the edge of Cottey's campus before the snow was up to my knees. I retreated back to my room and sulked. Why would I sit in a chair when I have arms and legs to play with? I couldn't go outside and my studies were the only reasonable thing to do.

WHY?!

For the first time in a while that I can recall, I want to do things my way and my way only. Yet, I continue to trudge along with my classes hoping that I will be content again soon. I feel liberated for the first time in a while, but there is a choke chain around my neck pulling me back to a sedentary lifestyle, which frankly, frightens me. Is this inner rebellion for the better or worse. I feel like I know what I want, but unable to give in to those desires without risking a less than satisfactory Cottey GPA. Is this inner rebellion's purpose to simply let me know that my path is through Kinesiology. Maybe I have finally found an area of interest that is so great that nothing in my mind can measure up. So, when I have to leave the swimming pool and return to my desk, I feel like I have left my source of happiness to fulfill another's wishes instead of my own. My frustration increases daily as I realize how I don't have a clear answer to my problem yet. I tell my parents, my suite mates, anyone who can offer advice. I tell others how frustrated I am in the hopes of what? Getting an answer? They can't settle my nerves or cancel my classes. Do I just have to sit this blizzard out?