A for Effort?

As I walked the aisles of the local video store, I picked up one of my favorite comedies; "Horton Hears a Who." This remake of the popular Dr. Seuss book would be my stress reliever through college. If a week ever left me burnt, stressed, and exhausted, I would pop in this DVD for a laugh to get my mind off college. I came home and threw it in the back of my closet-assuming such a week would be far distant. Five days later, I ran up to my room and pulled it out. Such a week had arrived.

I'll be honest; this week was far from enjoyable. On Monday, I had a pop quiz in my film class. Wednesday brought two club meetings and a graded performance in dance. Thursday threw in a biology test, a graded monologue performance, and a deadline for an english paper. Friday, thankfully only gave me standard classes. Also, because I have been cast in a play, I have rehearsal everyday from 8:00-10:00pm. Yes, I know, this is college. Nobody ever said it going to be easy.

On Friday afternoon I sat, doing homework in my room when a friend came in asking me if I wanted to join her in going to Kansas City that evening. A big smile washed over my face as I readily accepted her invitation. She told me she was going to leave around 7:30. My eyes widened in realization as I shrunk back down into my chair. I had an early rehearsal that night at exactly the same time. What were the odds? I, who had been most advent about leaving Cottey for a night in the city, was devastated. As she left I begun to think about my rotten luck. For a second, I considered not attending rehearsal and joining her anyways. Though this excited me, I dragged myself to rehearsal. After the week I had, I felt a need to blow off some steam as I mumbled my complaints to myself. I was on time for every rehearsal and I was the first one to memorize my lines! Nobody gave me any credit! I'm so under appreciated! Ugh!

While attending a performing arts magnet school sharpens your creativity and talent capabilities, it also leaves you with some false impressions. No, not every drama student is going to be quite as obedient and punctual as the ones you met while in high school. I found that out when I arrived at rehearsal five minutes early, only to find that I was the first one there. For the past four years the phrase "To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late is to be fired," was pounded into my head. This month, I have sat back stage during every rehearsal watching things I had never witnessed. Students missed cues, costumes were forgotten, props weren't set properly. I felt like I was in the twilight zone! I had been raised with somewhat of a nit picky drama teacher, and while my new one is great, she doesn't have the same fierceness that terrified actors into doing their job. As a senior in high school, I still felt like a small fish in a big pond; there was a lot of heavy talent and few spots.

Here at Cottey, I feel as though I am the big fish. I never imagined myself helping others become better actors, dancers and overall students as I am now. I always thought I would feel a proud sense of accomplishment if I ever assumed the role of a top dog in an area of interest. Since Cottey is so small, my confidence has gone up under false impressions that I have grown. Where in actuality, the pond has shrunk. Now that the week is over, I am trying to decipher why I became so upset over a rehearsal hour. Perhaps I assumed that if or when I became somewhat influential to others, the teacher would give me a gold star for my efforts. I guess I still want to live in the world of participation points, little instances of extra credit and praise. We can all rest easy when we are recognized for helpful to others or put in a good days work. Everyone tries to hard to be helpful, a good role model, etc. We do it so we can be recognized and praised for our intentions. I suppose college is there to gently pull us away from this invisible scoreboard we use to tally our good deeds. Well, thats too bad. I worked hard on that total!