Running Out of Steam

Every weekend as I sat down to write my blog, I knew just what I was going to say. I had something to reflect on and from that, I could elaborate on and fill my blog. I sit, now, thinking and I draw a blank. This week has been the most unusual of weeks. This week brought no performances, no juicy suite mate gossip, no trips to Kansas City. This week gave me only six nights of boredom. Ever since I began Cottey, nearly every day has been filled with rehearsals and traditions. The past few days I had nothing to do but come up to my room after dinner and sit in silence. Uninterested in reviewing my notes for class, I began to think of home and what I would have done a year ago on a Wednesday night. Never had I the time to entertain these thoughts before at Cottey. Honestly, they weren't good ones. My brain finally had the chance to feel the absence of my family, my friends, and my home town. Woah, I missed EVERYTHING!

The second play at Cottey was 'Troy Women.' This was a modern adaptation of 'The Trojan Women.' Every night of rehearsal consisted of me crying, screaming, moaning, and singing in grief. I played a woman whose entire family was slaughtered right before her eyes. At the end of the play, I was sold into slavery. This play was in desperate need of comic relief. The funny thing was, after imagining the worst possible scenario to get my emotions running, I wasn't sad. Of course, I acted sad. I cried and pulled on my hair screaming for my family, but I didn't feel any real loss. However, when I sat alone in my bedroom, I felt loss on every level of my being. Why couldn't this have hit me EARLIER?! Now I was crying and pulling on my hair and nobody was there to watch my wonderful performance. I couldn't wait for break to hit. I counted hours, minutes, seconds, and breaths I would take until I was in my mom's arms again. My thoughts were miserable and I jumped at the tone of my cell phone hoping my parents would call. Every thought brought on a memory of childhood that brought on more wonderful performances.

I remembered leaving California in August and hugging my parents goodbye. They cried their eyes out, but I smiled. I mad a sad face, but I couldn't wait to get out of their arms. I was leaving! I would never be homesick - I was tougher than that. Little did I know, I would be lucky enough to cushion my arrival with new events, preventing my actual realization that I was out of the nest. But it hit me - just as my parents expected it would. Gosh I hate it when they're right. After talking with my parents every night that week, I learned something. They told me nothing would change. I was afraid I would be in college and eventually drift away from them. That was the way it was and I would never relive all my memories of just talking to them. They told me that I could relive all of that. With this change I would be under a different roof and (hopefully!) be paying most of my own rent from now on. That, I was OK with that. Was it a bit of a shock? Heck yes! But all things considered, I am good with this new phase. Things could be a lot worse, I should know, I was a Trojan woman : )